A Father’s Legacy
Eph 6:1-4
Sermon Introduction
Happy Father’s Day everyone. We are going to spend this Sunday looking at what the bible says to Father’s. It is an amazing privilege to be a Dad. There are few things more amazing and more daunting than being a dad. If you think about it, we Dad’s are called to mirror something fundamental about the very nature of God, who is called our heavenly father as the author of fatherhood himself. That is amazing that he would entrust such a noble and glorious task to mere men like you and me. But he has not left us without counsel and power, so given the amazing call to fatherhood we have and the blessing of God’s word, let’s pray God blessing on our time before his word.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)
1.
The
Gospel Call in Ephesians
This
verse stands in the great section in Ephesians on how the glory of Christ is
practically manifested in the church and certainly the conduct of families is a
prominent part of how we glorify God in the church. This verse reveals three key calls, the call
of fathers, the call of children and the call of the gospel. I believe all parenting issues can be
addressed from this short passage.
That brings us to the final aspect of this text. That is the call of the gospel. The whole context of the letter to the Ephesians and the call of the church is the glorious revelation of the Son of God as gracious Savior and rightful Lord of all. Parenthood has a context and a trajectory. Families are not an end in themselves but a vehicle whereby God is glorified in gospel-centered parenting and gospel taught and gospel disciplined members of the church are raised up through the care, teaching and discipline of a family. Thus fulfilling Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:21 – “to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
First this passage presents the call of children. Paul calls children to obedience to their
parents “in the Lord”. That is as part
of the covenant community of believers they have an obligation to submit and
obey their parents as direct obedience to the Lord himself. Their obedience is not mere obedience to a more
powerful or more educated human but worship unto the Lord himself. And Paul backs up this statement from the
same call given to the Old Testament covenant children. The fifth commandment,
the first concerning horizontal relationships, doesn’t speak of murder or
adultery or stealing but of honoring parents, a point I have made clear to my
kids numerous times. Notice also it says, “That all may go well with you and
that you may live long in the land.”
Have you ever thought of why Paul included this and the mention that it
is the first commandment with a promise?
Schreiner in his book, “Paul, the Apostle of God’s Glory” says that this
is an eschatological promise for the new covenant people. As a long life in the physical land was
promised to
2.
FAtherhood
– A call to avoid lesser goals
Now let’s talk about the call of Father’s from this passage. There are three things this text calls fathers to – first, fatherhood is a call to impart gospel truth. Second, fatherhood is a call to impart gospel discipline and thirdly, fatherhood is a call to accept no lesser goals than these for fatherhood. So first, let’s talk about how fatherhood is a call to avoid lesser calls. Do you see it in the text? Verse 4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” Colossians 3:21, the parallel passage says Fathers shouldn’t do this so as not to discourage their children. So Dads are specifically instructed not to provoke and thus tempt their children to anger and discouragement. Isn’t that interesting that the first instruction to dads is to not provoke their children? To whom much is given much is required. Dads, particularly in ancient culture, wield ultimate authority over their children and it is imperative that we use our power and authority and ability to serve our children and not control them. Fatherhood is a position of amazing authority and influence. So fittingly, Paul warns fathers to not use their position and power to tempt their children to anger or discouragement.
I don’t know about you but the first and probably most prominent lie for me as a father is this: Parenting is about my Comfort. What I mean by that is that having kids is supposed to be like having a canoe or a swimming pool or a hobby or something like that. Yes, you gotta put some work into it but the reason you have these things is for the fun and enjoyment of them. As soon as the pool is too much work you fill it in. When the canoe is a hassle you sell it, when stamp collecting is too tedious you trade them away. And if our kids are too much work and not enough fun than we want out somehow and when we can’t get out we complain and wine or we run and hide.
Thank God that our kids are not like hobbies. I say that not because they are too precious to compare to hobbies, though they are, I say that because they don’t function like hobbies and therefore are able to work something much better in our lives than hobbies do. Our children will be the death of us. And that is a good thing. The Christian life is one of death and new life in Christ. That is why the world finds the gospel so repugnant. In order to receive the blessings of the gospel one must die to self and then find life in Christ. The call of the cross is death to self and sin and life in and for Christ. This is the inescapable reality of the Christian life. We must be crucified with Christ in order to live with him and in him and parenting unlike hobbies and swimming pools forces us into this reality. Paul Tripp says it this way: “What do I really want for my teens? Typically, I want pre-sanctified, self-parenting children! I want children I can take to a restaurant without being embarrassed. I want children who will do their homework without being nagged. I want an easy life for myself. Frankly, I never expected that becoming a parent meant I would have to lay my life down for my children. But that’s exactly what God calls me to do. My redemption not only cost Christ His glory; it also cost Him His life. Christ models how I need to live as someone redeemed by costly love.”[1]
Dad’s, we hold much power in our hands. Our encouragement and love and instruction can make all the difference. Our impatience and anger can hurt deeply.
The writer
Frank Clark said that “a father is a man who expects his son to be as good a
man as he meant to be." We need
to be oh so careful that this isn’t how we relate to our sons or daughters.
Josh McDowell’s
study of 1000 parents and 2000 children found adolescents raised in TWO
PARENT families in which the father had a poor to fair relationship with his
children were 68% MORE LIKELY than the national average to have problems with drugs,
alcohol, and violence! Teenagers raised in two parent families in which the
father had a good to excellent relationship with his children were 96% LESS
LIKELY than the national average to become involved with drugs, alcohol, and
violence.
What is surprising about these statistics is that the quality of the father’s relationship with the children was dominant in the children’s lifestyle choices, not just his presence in their lives. A common factor in broken peoples lives is either an absent father or an abusive father.
So, Dad’s, let’s not provoke our children to anger nor discouragement but let us run to the good news of Christ and leave our children a legacy of gospel centered truth and lifestyle.
3.
Fatherhood
– a Call to impart Gospel truth
Our text today says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The discipline and instruction of the Lord. This verse is sometimes translated the
nurture and admonition of the Lord. There
are basically two things Dad’s are called to here. They are to bring their children up in the
lifestyle of the Lord, in other words, Gospel centered living. And they are to bring up their children in
the instruction of the gospel. And the
sort of instruction that imparts a worldview that influences all we do. The word in the Greek is related to the word
for repentance. It isn’t just about
filling their minds with ideas but bringing truth that changes how they view
life and how they seek to live. So Dad’s
are to bring their children up in the lifestyle and the persuasive instruction
of the Lord.
So, first, the persuasive instruction of the Lord. I believe this begins with a heart that is
being captivated by God. It begins with
a heart that has recognized what is obvious to God and most others, that we are
sinners and have failed to love God like we should and have failed to love our
wife, our children and our nieghbor as we should. When we finally face this terrible news of
our failure and depravity it is time to begin experiencing transformation in
the good news. The good news of Jesus
forgiveness through his sacrificial death doesn’t mean much to the man who has
it all together. But to the Dad who
recognizes his sinfulness and unworthiness there is not better news in all the
universe. So Dad’s, the best thing you
can give your children is a heart humbled by your own sin but glad in your
forgiveness and the power of the life of the Savior in you to make you more
like him.
You and I can not adeqautely instruct others in the wonders of the
gospel if we ourselves are not in wonder.
And our children need something to be in awe of, they need someone to
worship, they need a worthy cause. We
are made for these thigns and if they don’t learn it from their parents they
will make up their own. And chances are
it will not be a good alternative.
Tedd Tripp says the following: “Our teenagers go into the world every single day to find things to marvel
at. They are on the lookout to be impressed by something. They love to be
dazzled by things in their surroundings. But not only our teens, we were all
made to be dazzled. We’re made to stand back and gape, to wonder and be
overwhelmed by the glory and goodness and greatness of God. We’re uniquely
designed to respond to this awesome glory with worship, adoration, reverence,
and being awestruck with God’s glory. We’re made for worship.[2]
So Dad’s, be in awe of God
yourselves. And then communicate this
passion to your children. Teach them the
content of the gospel at an early age, memorize scripture together, talk about
the word as you put them to bed, remind them of God’s grace and faithfulness as
they get up in the morning. And most of
all, in all this be in awe of God yourself.
And that awe and passion will come out in all you do, whether you are
fishing with your son and enjoying God’s creation or pleading with your
teenager to abandon a foolish choice.
We are to bring up our
children in the persuasive instruction of the Lord that they might walk in all
God has for them and his glory.
4.
Fatherhood
- A call to impart Gospel Discipline
We also are to bring them up in the lifestyle of the Lord or the discipline, nurture or training of the Lord. It is not just instruction but lifestyle of walking with God. We are not to be loose in our discipline. Though love and grace are to characterize our relationship with our children, we also must set a standard of lifestyle for them in both our example and what we expect of them.
Titus 2 says "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." (Titus 2:11-14, ESV)
You see, grace doesn’t leave
us lazy and unchanged. On the contrary,
a life animated by grace is one of diligence and joy in holiness. And so Dad’s are to lead their children in
this. And this covers the whole gamut of
life in Christ.
So, first they are to learn
how to read God’s word and pray. They
are to learn how to speak respectfully to others, first and foremost their mom
and dad, but also other adults and other children. They are to learn how to work hard, how to
speak truthfully and kindly. They are to
learn the value and practice of living in the fear of the Lord in all
things.
None of this is rocket
science. It all flows from a life
affected by the grace of God in Christ. Many of these thigns are almost
intuitive. But, they are not automatic. As Dad’s we must be ever so careful not to
fall into one of the chief sins of fatherhood, laziness.
In 1
Samuel there is a story about fatherhood that should send shivers of fear up
and down the spine of every dad in this room.
That is the story of Eli. Are you
familiar with that story? Eli was a man
like you and I, a minister in the tabernacle and even the high priest of
God. He maintained a pretty successful
and seemingly anointed ministry. He even
successfully developed and discipled his successor. He was an exemplary leader in almost every
way.
But
one thing he neglected to do was adequately parent his sons. Now if we quickly review the story we may
miss a vital point. It wasn’t that Eli
didn’t do anything to deal with his sons.
It says in 1 Samuel 2:25 that Eli solemnly warned his sons. He took out the three trees and pointed out
their behavior and their heart motives and exhorted them to stay in the circle
of blessing. He did a lot of the right
stuff. It wasn’t that Eli did nothing. The problem with Eli is that he didn’t do
whatever it takes. Eli and his whole
household is judged because he did not restrain his sons. That is, he didn’t do whatever it takes to
deal with the sins of his children.
Eli
perhaps thought that if he just gave a little exhortation here and there, if he
prayed for his boys, if he bore with them, they might somehow eventually learn
how to live gospel centered lives. I
don’t know about you guys but this one has got me at times. While we are to build our children into grace
and gospel centered living, we are ultimately responsible to do whatever it
takes to get them to see their sin and the absolute imperative of obeying God
or suffering temporal and eternal destruction.
Let
us do everything we can to bring up our children in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord.
One discipline that I think is very powerful for our family is the discipline of encouragement. It is amazing the difference encouragement can make in the lives of our children and our familiy as well as our church.
I so appreciate the wise quote from Murray McCheyne we have often heard, "For every one look at your sins, take ten looks at Christ." I think it is oh so key in parenting that we also apply this to our children. Peg and I call it the 90% factor. That is, in talking to our kids our speech should be 90% encouragement and at most 10% correction. This is not because Dr. Phil says this is a good technique for happier kids, it is because it is truth. God’s grace is all around our children and deeper and more glorious than we will ever perceive. Surely there is more about our children to encourage than we can find time in the day to do. And all of it is entirely undeserved. You and I deserve only wrath and eternal separation from all grace yet we are surrounded by it and experience it in and through our children. They should be able to quickly affirm that their mom or dad is the best encourager they know. Let our children not go very long without hearing our gratefulness for them. And let our children develop the habit of encouraging their siblings as well.
Author Dave Burchett tells
the story from Ernest Hemingway short story called "The Capital of
the World". Hemingway told the story of a father and his teenage son. The
son had sinned against his father and in his shame he ran away from home. The father
searched all over
"PACO MEET AT HOTEL MONTANA NOON TUESDAY ALL IS FORGIVEN PAPA."
The father prayed that maybe the boy would see the ad and maybe - just
maybe - he would come to the Hotel Montana.
And on Tuesday at noon, the father in Ernest Hemingway's story arrived at
the Hotel Montana and he could not believe his eyes. A squadron of police
officers had been called out to keep order among the eight hundred young boys
named "Paco" who had come to meet their father in front of the Hotel
Montana. Eight hundred boys named Paco read the ad in the newspaper and hoped
it was for them. Eight hundred "Pacos" came to receive the
forgiveness they so desperately needed.
May our children know our immediate forgiveness and our true delight in
them as our children. May we practice
this discipline along with all the other gospel motivated disciplines that our
children may know what a gospel centered life looks like. And may they be so instructed by our lives
and our teaching that they themselves may pass on the same heritage to their children
and even beyond.
One of my heroes is Jonathan Edwards, the
Now that’s a father’s legacy! May we as Dad’s, as we heed the gospel call and bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord discover fruit that lasts into the generations.
Let’s pray.