Sex in the City of God

Sex in the City

of God

1 Cor 7:1-7

1 Corinthians 7:1-7 (ESV)
¹Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ²But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. ⁷I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Prop

Sex in marriage is a God given, glorious blessing for the protection and provision of couples and the proclamation of the glory of God. Practice it frequently, practice it joyfully, practice it for your good and god’s glory.

1. Overview of the section

Not just put off but put on.
Previous section was put off.
Sins of commission and omission
Holiness of abstention and promotion.
Corinthians disconnect because of body-soul duality vs. integration.
Continuing misunderstandings.

Body spirit separation.

Intellect – action separation in western culture.

Modern Gnosticism – knowledge ultimate – knowledge without action.

Temptation in the reformed camp – not how much you know but how much you are transformed by the truth. Metric in scripture always a changed life – a life of love.

Like the Corinthians – knowledge or charismatic types.

Knowledge important but shown by action.
James -true wisdom.

James 3:13 (ESV)
¹³Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

They disconnected the body and actions from the spirit and the intellect.
Result was seeing body and thus actions as neutral or dirty.

Sex within marriage seen as dirty.
Fervent singleness.

1.1. Questions, questions.

Verse 1.
Paul answering questions.
He states the slogan and then corrects it.
Not a statement from Paul – important to distinguish or you will be confused.
Paul saying it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman? Huh? What about Ephesians 5, Song of Solomon, Gen 2?

1.2. Celibacy in Church history

Sadly, some have thought that there was something inherently wrong with sex.
They have used this verse incorrectly and in an isolated manner.

“Virginity stands as far above marriage as the heavens stand above the earth.” – John Chrysostom, De Virginitas 10.3

“ All those who have not remained virgins, following the pattern of he pure chastity of angels and that of our Lord Jesus Christ himself, are polluted.” Jerome Jov. 1.40

~”marriage is not good but better than fornication. Abstinence is angelic. `” Augustine – De Bono Conjugali 8

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Time when I agreed. Does this linger in any of you – particularly coming out of immorality?

This passage teaches the appropriateness of sex in marriage.
I would submit, the vitality and beauty of sex in marriage.
We must understand this text in context – with itself, with all of Paul’s writings, with all of scripture!

Marital Sex Protects Us from Immorality
Marital Sex Proclaims God’s Good Design
Marital Sex is Provided by god.

2. Marital Sex Protects Us from Immorality

The Corinthians assertion – Paul’s correction.
Following his directive to flee sexual immorality.
Avoiding action-reaction.
Being biblical.
We must be careful to avoid action reaction!

Conservative-liberal reaction in Christianity.

Missing richness of social justice, vitality of Christian community.

Emphasizing the proclamation of truth over against these things.

A problem – see throughout church history and humanity.

The Corinthians were doing this.

Sexual immorality so no sex must be most virtuous.
Unnecessary temptation.
Paul is saying if this is your approach you will undo exactly what you are trying to avoid.
Abstention for a married man or woman is a dangerous unbiblical pursuit!
Abstention for a single a must – more later – this is not to singles but to marrieds.
You want to subject your spouse to temptation, possible sin and the breakup of your marriage – then abstain.
The Corinthians thought it holier perhaps.
One purpose Paul lists here – brief time of prayer – perhaps retreat or fasting and prayer.
Make it brief – come back together.

Wonderful end to a time of prayer!

There might be other reasons for you besides prayer. Few legitimate.
Health perhaps, imprisonment, etc.
Many not legimate.

Many reasons are given for withholding what is due to the other: tiredness, resentment, disinterest, boredom, etc. For Corinthian husbands, so wedded to their own rights, this very earthy instruction must have been something of a body blow. – John R. Stott – 1 Cor.

Not okay.
No excuse.
Dangerous.
DO NOT DEPRIVE ONE ANOTHER!
I got a headache! Need some sleep.
Ladies: Talk talk talk, honey make love? No, I’m really tired.
When you go to enjoy time you are disinterested but compliant.
That is not okay either.

Love requires all of us – not just our bodies.
Do not deprive one another!

Depriving not the very act itself but the preparation of the act.
Husbands most guilty here!
Think it is like heating up something in the microwave – that is how you work.

Your wife is a slow cooker. You got to turn it on in the morning if you expect to have a meal to enjoy in the evening!

Do not deprive your wife of the love making that is hers.

Romance her throughout the day and the week.

Then enjoy the rich meals you want.

You try a slow cooker meal in the microwave and it isn’t gonna be very enjoyable at all.

Do not deprive one another.
Your body is not your own!
Hear that!
You don’t belong to your self.
You don’t have the last say in the conversation!
Gear yourself towards pleasing your spouse – giving your body, your self for her or his enjoyment.
Otherwise
Sinning against your spouse and putting a stumbling block there.
Broken marriages have broken sex lives.
This is a problem.

Man who hadn’t had sex with his wife in years – guess what happened? She left and they got divorced.

Sad thing was they didn’t let anyone till the divorce was final.

If you are there – you are abstaining beyond a brief, very brief season – you need help and intervention.
Not okay – serious situation.
There is truth to rescue you!
More than just protection from temptation as important as that is!

3. Marital Sex Proclaims God’s Good Design

Conjugal rights. Etc.
Paul touching on something much deeper here. Not just the sex act.
Doesn’t lay out a comprehensive theology of biblical sex here but touches on key elements.
You belong to another!

Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)
²²Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

· This mystery is profound!

· It refers to Christ and the church.

· Wow!

· The deepest truth – the most incredible mystery – Christ giving himself up – God himself – giving of his own life – his very body, soul and existence – giving up for his bride shown by a husbands devotion to his wife.

· The most incredible corollary – a people captured by the Savior, cleansed, sanctified and joyfully and beautifully submitting to him - the very thing all of creation waits and groans for – the revelation of this bride – the climax and culmination of history.

· All shown by a wife’s devotion to the husband.

· This is not boring stuff.

· This is glorious.

· And SEX is an integral part of it.

There are a few experiences in this life that seem to me to have been undiminished by that first sin in the Garden of Eden. Lobster with melted butter comes to mind. So does chocolate. But at the top of the list is having sex with my wife. When I am making love to Carolyn, it’s difficult for me to imagine that Adam and Eve, prior to the Fall, ever had a better time than we can have right here in the twenty-first century.

CJ Mahaney, Sex, Romance and the Glory of God , P. 14

· A rich, regular, vibrant, joyfuyl, free, God-glorifying sex life is one of the most glorious things on earth.

· Your body is not your own.

· Glory to God!

· How can you abstain, how can you withhold, how can you deprive.

· Hear the call of God to glorify Him in marriage.

· The bible is full of this call.

Genesis 2:23 (ESV)
²³Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

· NLPFBTV – “hubba, hubba, hubba”

Song of Solomon 2:3-6 (ESV)
³As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste, ⁴He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. ⁵Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. ⁶His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!

Song of Solomon 4:1-16 (ESV)
¹Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. ²Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing, all of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. ³Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. ⁴Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. ⁵Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. ⁶Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. ⁷You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. ⁸Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon. Depart from the peak of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards. ⁹You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. ¹⁰How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! ¹¹Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. ¹²A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. ¹³Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, ¹⁴nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all chief spices— ¹⁵a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon. ¹⁶Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits.

Not an allegory!

Verse 13 of that chapter[1] says, “My beloved is to me a sachet

of myrrh that lies between my breasts.” Some commentators find in this passage a reference to Christ appearing between the Old and New Testaments. Guys, I’m no scholar, but I don’t think so! Jumping ahead to chapter 7, verse 7, we find, “Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.” Again, one commentator—a godly and sincere person, I have no doubt— suggests that in this passage “breasts” refers to the nurturing effect that sound biblical teaching has upon the Church. You know, that idea never occurred to me. When the man says to the woman that her breasts are like fruit on a palm tree, it seems to me he’s talking about . . . her breasts! Spiritualizing the Song of Solomon just doesn’t make sense. What’s worse, it denies to us the powerful impact that God intends for it to have on our marriages.

CJ Mahaney, Sex, Romance and the Glory of God, p. 12

Recommend CJ’s book.
It’s about celebration, about romance, about the glory fo God.
It’s not just about what you must do.
It is about what you get to do.
Not about conjugal rights as entitlement but as blessing.
As what is fitting for a married couple.
About what must flow from God’s design of marriage.
That’s the power of the knowledge of Christ!
He transforms the law of God into the life of Christ.
Transforms marital obligation into marital celebration proclaiming the mysteries of Christ!
He transforms what was seen as a necessary evil or a unholy secret celebration to pure God centered love of one another.
You see, biblical sex is about joy, about obeying God’s call to mirror Christ’s relationship with the church.

[couples should engage in sex] “with good will and delight, willingly, readily and cheerfully.”

Puritan Thomas Gouge, Of Domestical Duties, p. 38

Let the church be the place where real, true, God-glorifying biblical married sex is rightly taught and celebrated.
Let us not be shy but appropriately outdo the world in giving this its right place!
Does your sex life mirror the fidelity, glory and depth of Christ and the church?
That’s what is behind this statement

³The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

3.1. Some practical ideas to help transform it from duty to delight.

3.1.1.Men

– plan, pray, practice.
Consider these truths, meditate on how you can apply them.
Study your wife, study her preferences, her love languages, how to love her.
What foods, what clothes, what date nights, what vacations she likes.
Cards, calls, communication.

· Edwards walks. Jonathan and Sarah walked regularly.

Anticipation and surprise.
Plan special weekends – kidnap your wife,
Romance her all day long. .

3.1.2.Women

Understand what is romance for a man.
Anticipation, appearance, attention.
Time alone, uninterrupted.
Outlast him.
Get the slow cooker boiling and enjoy long interrupted times together.

3.1.3.both

In sex – learn and grow.
Study, ask, communicate, don’t be shy, seek to please, learn, grow, enjoy.
Macaroni and cheese and filet mignon.
Proclaim God’s glory in His design of marriage and sex.

4. Marital Sex is provided by god.

What is a concession?
Being single versus being married.
He is moving into another topic here – singlehood.
It is important that we not misunderstand Paul and think singlehood is better than being married.
Also, that being married is better than singlehood.
We will get into that more later.
For now, let us understand that the married state is to the glory of God and is a gift.
Similarly, the single state is to the glory of God.
Paul wishes that all were single because of it’s blessings.
We need to hear him well here!
I don’t want to leave our singles yearning for marriage as the only acceptable state.
God’s grace is sufficient for either state.
Either state is for the glory of God.
Either state has grace from God.
Marriage is God’s provision for some, singlehood God’s provision for others.
Some find themselves in singlehood via a gift of celibacy, some find themselves there through the gift of circumstances.
We must uphold marriage as glorious and we must uphold singleness as equally glorious and useful.
Let’s not make the mistake others have of lifting one over another.
Both are God’s provision.
For those who are single – enjoy and celebrate the blessing of singlehood without acting as if marriage is all there is.
For those who are married – let us enjoy and celebrate the fullness of marriage without acting single.
For we are taught here:

Marital Sex Protects Us from Immorality
Marital Sex Proclaims God’s Good Design
Marital Sex is Provided by God

5. Conclusion